Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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