New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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