im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
