how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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