im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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