the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
