your room smells of hookers.
And success
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
