She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
