tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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