My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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