I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
