I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
