Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
