If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
