Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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