It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
