I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
