I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
