but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
