very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
