Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
