I've blown a few things in my day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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