It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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