so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
