She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
