the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
