everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
