I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
