I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize