Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
