My friends, they love my intelligence
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
