Me. At least after what I've been through.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
