FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
