i need an iv and a liver transplant
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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