I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
