I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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