it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
