Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
