i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
