Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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