I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
