just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
