found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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