I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can't turn off my feet"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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