I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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