new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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