she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
