we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've blown a few things in my day
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
