that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
