one might say we're banned from that church
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
