i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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