I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
