Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
