I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
