id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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