And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
