I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
