the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
