just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
