I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
