ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
