forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
