Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
