It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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