My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
