i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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