the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
