super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sarcasm needs its own font
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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