I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
