hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
