I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
