this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
