i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
