You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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