oh god the rape fog is back!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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