Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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