i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
