i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
