what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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