Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
