my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
