My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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