Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
