I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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