My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
