Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
