For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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