I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
