Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
