U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
